


close as strangers

by plainwhiteluke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainwhiteluke/pseuds/plainwhiteluke
Summary: song fic based on "close as strangers" by 5 seconds of summerthis can also be found on my tumblr - plainwhiteluke





	close as strangers

Calum loved being in the band. There were so few people who actually got to live out their dream, and even fewer who got to do so successfully. He loved the music he was able to write with his three best friends, and he was so incredibly happy that he could make a living out of playing his songs on a stage. He had never before felt that passionate about anything in his entire life, and he could not believe that he was living the life he had dreamed of since he was a child.

However, no matter how much he loved his life he couldn’t deny how difficult it could be at times. He wanted nothing more than to be in the band and to be able to travel the world, but all those things also meant being away from home and from you.

When you and Calum started dating it was the end of the last tour, and all Calum had really been doing was travel through the states, and then Australia for a short period of time. It had been incredibly easy to have you come visit him, and a few weeks apart from each other when the relationship had just started was not really a problem. Then the band took a two-year break, and most of Calum’s time was spent in Los Angeles with you which made room for your relationship to grow into something serious.

Which is why Calum found it so hard to leave for the new tour. You had your new job, which made it hard to fly out to concerts in America, and impossible for you to visit him outside of the country. The day he had to leave was awful. You didn’t go with him to the airport because of how hard you knew it would be to say goodbye. It was hard enough at home, his arms wrapped around you as you cried into his chest, each sob tugging at his heartstrings. He’d kiss your salty lips, thumbs stroking your cheeks as he mumbled that he’d be back before you could even have the chance to miss him.

Calum had been on tour before, and he loved it. However, he had never before been forced to leave a girl he loved behind for so long. He loved touring, but he hated not being able to be with you.

Calum found it extremely hard to be away from you. The time zones making any sort of reasonable communication difficult. It was always text messages and short phone calls squeezed into your busy schedules. Six weeks after he left and he had his phone pressed against his ear, his heart breaking as you sob from the other end. You whispered about missing him and wanting him there and Calum felt this desperate need to take the first plane back to you. It killed him thinking of you on your own, and all he wanted was to be back home with you.

“So what are your plans for today?” Calum asked into the phone as he climbed onto the couch at the back of the tour bus. Months without you and his entire body ached for your skin and for sweet kisses and your soft whispers in his ears.

“Nothing really.” You whispered, and Calum swallowed. Your voice felt so distant, every day a little bit further away. “I just have work. You?”

Calum found it hard to talk to you when he knew that every word that fell from his lips would just cause you even more heartache. “We just finished our show, so I’m going to eat and then sleep. We have the day off tomorrow, though.”

“Are we wasting our time, Calum?” You sighed, voice breaking just slightly. Calum felt his body go weak, and he leaned his forehead against the window of the bus.

“What do you mean?”

“I just… I haven’t seen your face in ages.” Your voice was low on the other end of the phone. “And I am so tired of talking on a broken line because of all this distance between us. I just miss you.”

“Baby, don’t say that.” Calum knew he sounded whiny, but he was tired and he missed you terribly, so he didn’t really care. “Four months and I’ve got you in my arms again, alright? Four months is nothing.”

Calum refused to give up. Even as you grew distant with him he still tried. The missed phone calls and unanswered texts grew by each day he was gone, and whenever you did get to talk Calum never felt like he was talking to his girl. He felt as if the two of you were slowly becoming as close as strangers, your voices growing annoyingly polite and the loving undertone disappearing as the phone calls became shorter.

He tried to calm you down, to let you know that he won’t give you up and that he would always come back to you. But the realization that each day only brought more agony into your relationship slowly started to seep into both of your veins and made just about  _everything_  harder. The further away he travelled the more time zones took control of his life, making it close to impossible to get ahold of one another. You had your job, which Calum knew was important to you, and he had his. It always seemed like something was in the way, and you both were just so fucking tired of five-minute calls that ended too early.

Calum was curled up in his bunk holding his phone when you broke down. His heart ached for you as his quiet whispers tried to calm you down. “Baby girl, please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.” You whined in response, taking a shaky breath. “This is just getting really fuckin’ hard.”

“I know it’s hard, trust me, I do.  _I miss you so much it hurts_.” Calum sighed and raised a hand to rub over his eyes. “I’m so sorry that you have to go through this because of me, sweetheart, but I’m coming back home to you.”

“For how long? A few months? A year? It’s only a matter of time before you’ll leave me again for another tour.”

Calum knew you were right. Him coming back also meant one day closer to leaving you again. At that moment he hated his job and what it meant, how it kept him so far away from you and how much pain it caused you.

“Every day gets harder being away from you, Cal.” Your voice broke again, a sob that clawed at Calum’s skin and made him close his eyes as hard as he could. “I just feel like we’re wasting our time, because none of this will ever be any easier.”

Calum could hear it in your voice that you were tired, and he felt himself  _panic_  at the thought that you even felt the tiniest desire to move on from him and his life. He felt his own tears as they welled up in his eyes. “ _Fuck_. I shouldn’t have gone on this tour.”

“Baby don’t say that.” You whispered, your tone drenched in tears. Calum found that he had to open his eyes again, for every time he closed them all he could see was you. Curled up in bed at home with wet and salty cheeks, eyes puffy and face exhausted. He wanted to hold you in his arms so badly. “I shouldn’t be the thing that stops you from living your dream… Which is why this all feels so wrong.”

“This doesn’t feel wrong. You and I feel like all kinds of right.”

“ _It just hurts so much_.”

And you continued to sob into his ear, his heart breaking as the lump in his throat grew. He hated to hear you cry. He hated knowing that he was the reason for your tears. And he continued to whisper that everything would be okay, tried to calm you with his words but failing as you both realized no words would be able to fix the gaping hole between the two of you.

After that night the phone calls became even fewer than before. Calum felt the massive wall between the two of you, and no matter how much he kicked it, it wouldn’t surrender. Every night on stage he looked out into the crowds of people singing his lyrics back to him, searching every face with the stupid hope of finding you there but never succeeding. Six months was too much, and Calum found it hard to function without your hand in his or your voice in his ear.

It was with a knot in his stomach he called you that last day, his body on the ground and his back against the wall of some airport somewhere in the world. He heard your suffering through the tears that night, his own heart aching with agony as the last pieces of it fell apart.

“I know, baby. I know everything has changed between us.” He mumbled into the phone, eyes closed as he tried to shut out the world. “But I love you, and tomorrow I’ll be coming back to you.”


End file.
